A Quest for Tea
by hpdude47
Summary: Arthur Dent wants tea in a bad way one unpleasent morning aboard the Heart of Gold. In his desperation for the hot liquid he accidentally activates the Infinite Improbability Generator which results in a lot of interesting events. Takes place durring RATT


Arthur Dent woke unpleasantly in his small cramped room inside the starship Heart of Gold. He had had a rather unpleasant dream where the Earth was demolished to make a hyperspace bypass and his friend Ford Prefect turned out to be a from a planet in the vicinity of Beetelguese. He groaned upon realization that this wasn't a dream at all and was what had actually happened.

He grunted as he got up and groggily walked to the door, allowing it to swish open enthusiasticly to permit Arthur to exit. He had quite an unpleasant night and was looking forward to a nice cup of tea to start his day.

Trillian was sitting at the control station on the spaceship and checking several readings, none of which Arthur cared to guess at their meanings. She did not attempt to communicate with him. Rather, she was much content with ignorning him on mornings such as these, because he was usually did more harm than good.

"Morning, Trillian." Said Arthur, still groggily.

"Hello Arthur," Trillian said, not pausing from her work or turning around.

Arthur turned and walked over towards the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Nutri-matic drink machine with a vauge hope that he might actually be able to get some tea out of it today.

"Hey you," Arthur said to the machine, "Do you remember how to make tea?"

The machine's brain whirled. "Oh yes, I remember." It chirped cheerfully. "A tricky one, that was!"

"So can you make it again?" Arthur said, excitement coming to his voice.

The nutri-matic machine paused a moment before responding, "Nope!"

Arthur's hopes fell as fast as his face. "Why not?"

"Well, it was a fun challenge," Said the machine, "But I'm too tierd out to do it again right now."

Arthur turned away grumpily, muttering "Damn thing." He then turned to Trillian and asked, "Do you know where I can find some tea or biskuts? I'm really in the mood for tea and biscuits right now."

Trillian rolled her eyes inexasporation. "There are no teas or biscuits aboard." She said, quickly resuming her work.

"Damn." Muttered Arthur. "Is there anything to eat at all here besides that indigestible crap the nutri-matic churns out?"

"No." Said Trillian, starting to wish that Arthur would leave her alone.

Arthur turned back to the nutri-matic. "Hey, can you make _anything_ besides that crap you usually churn out?"

"Nope!" Said the machine. "Anything less would not be up to the requirement of your bodily needs!"

Arthur finally gave up, and turned to Trillian. "Where are we anyway?" He asked.

"That's what I'm trying to find out," Said Trillian impatiently, "And I could work a lot quicker if you would stop moaning about your tea."

"Sorry. I just need my breakfast in the morning." Arthur said.

Trillian felt her tolerance for Arthur's un-tead mood ebb away and finally said, "Why don't you go and talk to Marvin or something?"

"Yeah, he'll cheer me up all right." Arthur moaned sarcasticly. But then the thought hit him that finding someone more depressed than him could cause him to think about his own situation a little more positively.

Arthur walked to the back of the room where Marvin was sitting immobile in the corner.

"Hey Marvin!" Arthur said. "Are you turned on?"

Marvin's head groaned as he turned it very slowly to gaze upon Arthur with contempt. "I'm sorry, did someone just pretend to show interest in me?"

"Yes," Arthur said. "Er, I just wanted to know how you are doing."

"You don't have to pretend to care about me," Marvin moaned. "I know that you don't."

"No really, I do care!" Arthur pleaded.

"I heard you griping about food back there. I've never had food." Sulked Marvin.

"Do you ever wish you could eat?" Arthur asked.

"No, I'd probably hate it." Marvin said.

"Then why…" Arthur began, throwing his arms up in exasperation. However, right when he started talking he decided to give up, realizing that his tackeling Marvin's personal problems was akin to a flea attempting to wrestle Mount Everest.

"Marvin," Started Arthur again, "Do you know of any food on this ship?"

"No," Said Marvin. Suddenly, Arthur had an idea.

"What do you think the chances are that I'd find some tea and biscuits randomly sitting on a table somewhere on this ship?" Arthur asked.

"On this ship?" Marvin inqured dully, "In this part of the galaxy?"

"Er, yeah," Arthur said.

"About one in 226." Marvin said. "Distressingly low chance, isn't it?"

"Thanks, Mavin." Arthur said, tapping the metalman on the shoulder before going back to the bridge.

"You don't have to pretend to be thankful," Offered Marvin dejectedly before falling back into a miserable sleep.

With a renewed sence of purpouse, Arthur walked right up to the bridge and right up to the Infinite Improbibility Generator and began typing, muttering, "ok…two to the twenty-sixth power…"

Trillian looked up at Arthur from her work station. "You're not trying to use the improbability drive, are you?" She asked.

Arthur looked at Trillian nervously. Arthur was a terrible liar. "Er…uh…" He said. In his nervousness he didn't notice that his hand accidentally typed another digit into the improbability setting.

"Good." Said Trillian, sharply. "I would hate to start calculating our position all over."

At that moment, brain cells in Arthur were fighting a very intense war over whether he should use the drive or not, having not noticed the addition of the unwanted digit.

He decided that he wouldn't activate it after all. He had just turned away and started walking when he felt his robe catch on the activation lever. Not fast enough to stop himself, he tripped forward, pulling the lever into the activation position.

"Oops." Arthur muttered embarrassedly.

The universe spun.


End file.
